i don't know

i've wanted to write about this subject for a long time now... it's about me and no it's not a thesis or some narcissistic post about how great i am but it is about how confused i am as a person to me and thus obviously to others...
when people say that they know i really wonder because it seems that at most times i don't know my self....
i say something but am mostly looking in the complete opposite direction... even now as i write this i'm trying to figure out how and why is it that i choose to put foward a front which is alien to me at most times but common to all others who know me.
i am for example a very jovial happy at most times... sarcastic at evry living hour yet by my self i'm lonely..not very happy and mostly pessimistic and morose about life in general....
i've had heart breaks without any one and i mean when i say any one ever knowing yet i've helped most around me take decisions... be responsible...over come heart break but no one has ever known what i've been genuinely thinking and i'm not sure why..
i don't know why it is that i've never told any one not even my closest friends about the things that make me cry make me laugh and those that really make me happy
question is will i ever be able to .. will i ever be able to tell any one...will any one ever know me for who i am .....
it's a very generic question that i wanted to ask my self and u my reader my void...

here's to new beginnings......

i just read my last post, it was written during math class... laconic moments during math class. it was just 4 months ago but it seems seasons away. I'm working now, i have new responsibilities, new friends..( read colleagues ) i have a career.
it's funny how things shift so fast changing faster than we expect and always leaving behind with it a bag full of memories along with a tearful farewell.
but this isn't about what's lost for it never will be , it will now just co exist with something new , something unknown , something exciting..... a new beginning.
i met my friends from college today and each of us was bursting with news from our respective offices.. the cute guys, the ones without any brains , the popular ones , what we love what we hate, but, at the end of the day we just smiled and echoed the same sentiment that was flowing through each of us... we missed each other but each one of us had moved on, moved on to a new place and no we weren't going to look back but, we weren't going to forget either, life had nudged us to a new place and each one of us was ready to face it all with conviction and confidence and with the hope that we would always remain friends.....
so here's to a new beginning to all of us. we deserve the best and that's what we are going to get.